Let Things Be Easy - Part 1

reflections for those who tussle with worthiness

Of all the concepts I grapple with, worthiness stirs the most cognitive dissonance. I tell myself I am worthy, often. I remind myself that being human means having inherent dignity and worth. I am deserving of food, clothing, shelter, safety, rest, care, consideration, and respect. And yet, the effort it takes to embody this feels anything but easy.

It's one thing to know you’re worthy and quite another to truly believe it and live it in all areas of your life. I see unworthiness in my hesitance to share my ideas freely in new spaces, in how I hold back when dancing in public, and in the care I take to curate* my social media posts for respectability and appropriateness. It’s also evident in the misaligned relational dynamics I’ve allowed to linger, slowly eroding my sense of well-being.

To be clear, this isn’t something I’m beating myself up about - not entirely, anyway. In part 2 of this series, I’ll explore some of the ways I hold myself accountable. But in this part, I want to focus on naming this tussle for what it is and identifying the different factors that exacerbate it. I acknowledge the forces beyond my control that fuel this feeling of unworthiness. In a world where respect, consideration and safety are earned through constant striving, performance, and adjustment, it’s no wonder worthiness feels elusive. Many of us struggle to meet the narrow definitions of worth imposed by society: my fat, curvy, Black, immigrant body often falls short, while my kindness and gentleness are often misconstrued as weakness, as if people are more worthy when they fight, prove, or push back. And I refuse to accept that. Acceptance, to me, feels like admitting defeat to a world that tries to diminish me. So, I resist by creating spaces where my worth is affirmed and reflected back to me.

This resistance has been successful, for the most part. It's also created an echo chamber — a false sense of protection I can no longer afford. Perhaps that’s why my tussle with worthiness has felt more aggressive lately. The world feels increasingly hostile, with a rise in self-righteous rhetoric that leaves little room for differing perspectives. Many seem to have grown weary of the political correctness forcefully imposed by “cancel culture”, which might be a good thing to an extent. I also fear that honesty without kindness or curiosity might push us even further away from the meaningful connection and mutual respect we desperately need. I have many unprocessed thoughts about this, but for now, I will leave it at recommending this and this - two insightful TikToks by writer and disability rights activist Imani Barbarin, who discusses how we can leverage mutual interests and curiosity to engage with those who hold different perspectives.

The shifting seasons, both in the world around me and within my own life, seem to magnify the tussle with worthiness even more. Transitions strip us of the familiar, leaving us vulnerable and exposed. In this season of my life, I’m striving to complete a doctorate, aware of the immense time and effort it has taken — mine and others — which feels daunting. Then there’s the ongoing process of exploring post-doctoral opportunities, a journey with no clear end in sight. My immigrant status serves as a constant reminder of my precarious position in a country with ever-shifting policies. Added to this are the heartbreak, loneliness, and uncertainty that come with the inevitable changes in relationships over time. All of this has been unfolding as Fall shifts to Winter — an unnerving reminder that a cold, dark season often follows the beauty of change.

Rather than pathologizing and trying to fix the feeling of unworthiness — which I have tried more times than I’d like to admit — I’ve decided to let it be. I affirm this feeling — it makes sense that I am struggling with worth right now. The world can be challenging and extractive, but that doesn’t mean I must tirelessly meet its demands. I get to move with things, sit with things, and let them unfold in their own time. I get to ground myself in facts when I spiral. I get to cry and take breaks when I need to. I get to have more questions than answers and, hopefully, come to terms with the fact that most of life might involve this very posture.

Letting things be easy, for me, looks like holding onto the belief that there is something for me here in this dark season. Who knows what can be discovered in the shadows? The connections nurtured, the self-trust built, the discipline exercised as I navigate the darkness. And in those moments when I can’t see it or feel it, letting things be easy looks like reminding myself that after winter comes spring—the blooming is inevitable. I don’t need to force it to happen.

What does letting things be easy look like for you in this season of life?

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*Like many of us, I have a complicated relationship with social media. I love the creativity and diverse perspectives I experience through various platforms. I also recognize how content curation can be a slippery slope toward inauthenticity, proving, and performing. The pressure to present a version of myself that aligns with external expectations is a constant pull. It's a delicate balance that demands frequent breaks and a very clear sense of self. I've learned that, like everything else, I need to let my relationship with social media unfold with ease. When I’m too caught up in the cycle of comparison or validation, I step back. I allow myself the space to disconnect and return to what feels genuine, knowing that my worth doesn’t depend on how well I curate my presence online.

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Kendrick’s album has been on repeat since it dropped, and this song feels like a resonant mantra.

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For those who celebrate Christmas, I hope you had a festive and reflective holiday! I thoroughly enjoyed these two Advent reflections and will definitely be coming back to them beyond this season.

• Black Liturgies (paid access)

• Social Justice Auntie (free access)

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This is part one of a two-part series. In the next part, I’ll share some insights I’m carrying with me into 2025 after a lifetime of not letting things be easy.