Things I Want to Say

about starting my substack publication

I’m giving writing on the internet another chance. I started on Medium two years ago and pigeonholed myself into a “How To” format that I couldn’t keep up with. I recently wrote another “How To” piece - for school this time. I’ve imported my “How To” posts into this publication because they are still my words and a testament to my growth as a human and a writer. The “I’ve figured it out” tone underlying the “How To” format resonates quite well with my Type A, overly analytical tendencies: here is a hard thing, and this is how I am managing/solving/navigating it. At the same time, it’s pretty limiting because there are so many things I want to say about things I haven’t yet figured out, and maybe never will. I want to challenge myself beyond that style of writing (and being). This Substack publication is one of my attempts at that.

A lot of life is happening to me, in me, and around me:

I am neck-deep in a dissertation that is equal parts fulfilling and aggravating. I sometimes feel like I bit off more than I can chew with the questions I am asking: “Assessing the role of faith-based organizations in the pharmaceutical systems of low- and middle-income countries for system-wide sustainability.” That’s my working title - whew - it’s a mouthful. And extremely niche. I’m still baffled at how such a niche topic can have so much nuance and breadth to consider.

Professionally, I am navigating various dynamics that have required me to assert myself more than ever. I’ve been requesting accommodations to safeguard my peace of mind and well-being, communicating when harm has been caused, and setting and enforcing boundaries.

On top of this, I am tending to my heart following a recent breakup that left me with mixed feelings. I’m grateful that I experienced a healing love, relieved that I had the self-love, self-respect, and resolve to walk away when it was time to, sad that I had to say goodbye to someone that I love, and extremely disappointed that things didn’t align as I hoped they would.

Beyond my bubble, the world feels heavy right now - genocides, political unrest, climate disasters, and the high cost of living, to name a few of the various crises. I feel aligned and grounded some days, and I’m not quite sure what the point of it all is on others. I am filled with hope and lament in equal measure, expectant for what could be and deeply grieved by what is.

My internal world is an amalgamation of both/and, which feels like the toughest lesson I have yet to learn. I have spent the last couple of years using the mantra “multiple things can be true at once” to challenge my black-and-white thinking, and it seems that everything conspired to ensure that I internalized that mantra this year. It feels like my insides are being reconfigured, and it’s incredibly uncomfortable. Perhaps this is why starting this publication now feels necessary - a creative outlet as I let the lesson do its work in me.

I’m unsure how this space will evolve, and I am ok with that. I know that I want to keep the space light - not in the form of content, but in my approach. This is a hobby that I decide to engage in as and when it feels good for me. My only commitment is to explore different ways of expressing the things I want to say. I will do my best to manage my expectations of myself. I will also use the next few sentences to try and manage yours. I have no formal training as a writer of personal essays or notes. I’ve attended one workshop focused on how to write opinion pieces. I read a lot. Most of my reading has been dissertation-related in the past year, but I am slowly rebuilding my habit of reading for fun. My writing experience is otherwise largely academic. I’ve written two theses’ for my Master of Pharmacy and my Master of Public Health. I’ve authored a couple of manuscripts published in academic journals, and I am currently writing a dissertation for my Doctorate in Public Health. I journal - in a physical journal, my Notes App and using voice memos. I use AI to help me edit things.

I don’t feel qualified to have a Substack - especially when I read some of my favorite creators’ posts. That’s another reason I’ve taken the leap to start this. I am flexing the muscle of doing more things I don’t feel ready for. I am shortening the time it takes me to get from planning to action. I am giving myself the freedom to figure it out (or not), and I hope that being witnessed as I do so will benefit me and others.

On that note, welcome! It’s so good to have you here, and I hope you stay a while!